Adjusting to Pre-K

This post was a request. I have spent some time thinking about how it relates to health and weight loss and this is what I have been able to come up with: When your child starts school you want to insure that you are able to continue to lead a healthy lifestyle for both yourself and your family. This can often be hard, esp if your child is starting school for the first time. I have learned over the last few weeks since my son started back at school that it has really helped me to get my children involved in our healthy routine. I make sure that he gets plenty of sleep at night and I wake him up at least an hour before we need to leave for school that way he isn't rushed in the morning and school doesn't feel like he is being punished by me sending him to school. I make sure that my son gets a healthy lunch at school. This is easier than you think!! If you don't pack a school lunch, eating healthy is no problem. At my son's school, not only so they offer fresh fruit and veggies, they also offer a salad bar! All you have to do is make sure your child is eating healthy at home so they know how to make healthy choices at school as well!! Get your child involved!! I let my son help me pack his lunch, this way he knows what he is eating and I know it's healthy and what he wants :) You are also teaching your child what is healthy and what isn't. Once my son gets home, it is very CRAZY!!! in my house. he fights with his sister, he is tired and cranky, and a lot of time he's hungry because he eats lunch so early (even though he gets an afternoon snack) I find myself wanting to pull my hair out because it seems like WW3 is breaking out in my house. I have tried to maintain a healthy balance. We walk to and from school, this also helps get some of the energy out. I allow my son to have a snack before he does his homework. I sometimes let him take a small nap after he does him homework (sleep is very important) He doesn't always take a nap and more and more lately he decides not to. I think the best bit of advice I can give when adjusting not just to Pre-K but to anything new is routine is key!!! Once you are able to establish a good routine being and staying healthy will fall right into line :)

Getting Healthy on a Budget

I hear people say all the time that it costs too much to eat healthy foods. I am here to tell you that, that is not true. Yes there are some foods that are healthy for you and they are very expensive, however you can eat healthy and not break the bank! I was able to go to the grocery store tonight and get about 3 weeks worth of food for my family of five(My husband's grandmother lives with us) for $200. For me it's all about planning. I plan everything about my shopping drop and I mean EVERYTHING!!! I have an order and I need to be able to stay focused. Here's a pretty simple break down of my usual shopping trip. 1.ALWAYS make a list of food that you need in the house (meats, fresh/frozem fruits and veggies, etc) 2. Shop the sale ads (This is very important, you want to make a special note of what you need and what is on sale, check next weeks paper too. Something you have on your list might be on sale next week so you can buy it then) 3. Don't be afraid to coupon (this is FREE money) Once you have your list, your sale ads, and your coupons, you should be sure not to go to the store hungry, you are more likely to impluse buy and buy things that are unhealthy when you are hungry. You also what to meal plan. Meal planning will allow you to know what type of food you need for the week and allow you to be sure you are cooking healthy foods for your family. Look at meals for things you can substuite. If a meal calls for ground beef, I always use ground turkey instead. (I buy the giant brand turkey and its $10 for 3lbs.) Buy in bulk when possible and freeze your meats (I even freeze my lunch meat) Personaly I think the internet is my best friend when it comes to eating healthier. I love to look up new foods to try. You also can't be afraid to try new things. If there is something that you see online or in the store that you know is healthy and you think someone has said it tastes good, or even if they said they didn't like it, buy it and try it for yourself!! On this journey I have found out that I actually like spaghetti squash, calliflower, and several other veggies that I would have never eaten before. And I LOVE to cook with onions now! I can't say it enough though, planning is key!! Walk into the store with a plan and stick to it! I will admitt that I sometimes, actually alot of the time I buy things that aren't on my list and aren't the healthiest foods and that is okay!! One thing I like to do is buy single serve chips and cookies because I will eat less that way. I get fat free frozen yogurt (when it's on sale) Lastly I tell you to keep track of what you spend as you are walking through the store. I always know how much I want to spend when I leave the house. Take a pen with you so that you can keep track of your total as you go through the store. This will help you decide if an unhealthy food that's not in your list makes it into your cart. Try to buy the unhealthy food only if you have a coupon or if its on sale or both!! If you plan on buying unhealthier foods put them on your list!! One thing I have learned us that if you tell yourself no in the store you only say no once, if you buy it and take it home you are saying no until its gone....ask yourself is it worth it? 

We will address some healthy meals that I make for my family as well as how we are adjusting to our new schedule and how to get your whole family on board with your new healthy lifestyle this month :-) I am very excited to be taking this journey with all of you. 

A day in the life

Do you ever feel like there's no possible way that you can fit a workout into your busy day? Well I am here to tell you all about my busy day and how I am able to fit in a workout at home without a gym. I will tell you that while it is VERY possible to loose weight without a gym, it more than likely will take a little longer. I am totally okay with that, at least for now. I have however been thinking about joining a gym and I can tell you that by the end of the year, or beginning of next year I will more than likely give in and join a gym. But until then I will tell you this is my day.

I get up at 5:40 each morning and get a shower, then I get the kids up between 6 and 6:30 to get them dressed and feed them breakfast. (This isn't as easy a task as you may think. My children are 2 & 4 years old and love their sleep...just like their mommy) Most days between 6:30 and 7:00 the 6 month old I babysit gets dropped off so I am now getting my children ready and fed while tending to the baby. I then fix my son's lunch for school (If it wasn't packed the night before) I somehow find the time to throw some frozen fruit in the blender with 1 cup of fat free milk and fat free frozen yogurt, push the milkshake button and gather the kids shoes. By this point the blender is done so I pour it into a cup and after I'm done fighting with the kids about breakfast we put shoes on and are out the door by 7:15-7:20. I walk my son to school, let my daughter play on the playground for a few minutes and then we make our way back home.

My daughter isn't a big breakfast person so she is now hungry and the baby needs a diaper change and his medicine. My daughter will now eat the breakfast she didn't want earlier while I make the baby a bottle and feed him. By now it's about 9:30 the children will play while I try to get some stuff done for Sunday School (I teach the preschool class at our church and try to take 30-45min a day to plan for the next weeks lesson) My husband gets home from work around 10:15 (he works at night) When he gets home, I fix him something to eat, my daughter has a morning snack and the baby eats as well. It's about 11:15 by time the dishes are done and by noon my daughter is ready for lunch and the baby gets is snack. Both children go down for a nap around 12:30. This is when I will clean up around the house. I dust, sweep and mop the floor, wash the windows, straighten up the toys, and bedrooms, clean the bathroom, basically whatever needs to be done. At 2 I get both children up and we walk to pick my son up from school.

After letting him play on the playground for a little while with his friends from school we come home, the baby gets a bottle and eats. Then my son needs help with his homework. At 4-4:30 the baby gets picked up and I start to cook dinner (I try not to cook anything that is going to take more than 30-45 min to cook) Dinner is as close to 5 as possible, after dinner is dishes and the children play for about an hour before it's time to get baths and go to bed. My little ones are in bed by 8 each night and I can then prep for the next day. I lay out both children's clothes as well as my husband's work clothes, and I pack a lunch for my son and my husband for the next day. Sometimes I will also get breakfast ready for the next day but not very often. I myself am usually so run down that I am in bed by 9 or 9:30.

This isn't every single thing I do in a day, but it gives you a pretty good idea of how busy I am and yet I have been able to loose 35lbs in a little less than a year. I say this because my husband tells me all the time "you didn't put the weight on overnight, it's not going to come off overnight either." This is so very true. It took me almost 4 years to gain that 35lbs that I lost in under a year!! So it did come off in 1/4 the time it took me to gain it, that's pretty awesome!

On Tuesday and Thursday my husband has class, my son bowls on Saturday mornings, My weight watchers meeting is on Tuesday and I teach Sunday School and on the first Monday of the month I have a meeting at the VFW, my husband has union meeting on the second Sunday and I shoot shuffle bowl on Friday nights. I will get up at 5am sometimes and workout while watching the news in my bedroom, or take my hour from 12:30-1:30 and do a workout DVD. I take the kids to the park and run the track while they play. There are ways to fit in a workout and if I can do it, than anyone can do it.

In a few short days I will be adding a 9 week old to the mix. It is hard to fit in a workout every day but I can tell you that it is worth it!!!

Try to sit down and write out what you do daily and look for the little gaps where you can fit in a 15 minute workout, doing this a few times a day will make a big difference. I know you can do it. You are worth it!!

Tune in tomorrow to see what I will share next :-)

Getting back into the swing of things

The last few months have been hard for me. Honestly I have had some personal stuff going on and I let me emotions get the best of me when my WW leader decided to leave our meeting to better herself. I am really happy for her but I let it bring me down because she is the only leader I've had during this journey. I felt like I had lost a part of me when she left my meeting but I have her cell number and I know that I can always turn to her for added support when I need it. On top of that I had a falling out with one of my best friends. She and I have patched things up now but at the time it really took it's toll on me. During this journey I have learned alot about myself and about what I need to do in order to be successful and get the results that I want. If you saw me over the last few months however you might not think so. I didn't really gain any weight but I didn't really loose any either. I would go up and down and bounce around the same 2-4lbs. I am glad that I was able to maintain over the summer for the most part but I am not happy that I allowed my emotions to get the best of me. I have decided that I am going to get back on track and I am going to allow my emotions to get the better of me any more. I am worthy of doing better and I am determined to do better!! I have taken the time to make a list of things that I used to do that I should start doing again in order to maximize my weight loss and get my focus back. This is something that isn't going to happen over night I know that. I always have trouble getting back on track all at once. I always have good intentions but they seem to go astray. I say I will track and I do for a day or two and it all falls apart. I have a meal plan with my points all figured out and follow it for a few days, I say I am going to workout and I don't. I still don't have it all figured out but I am doing my best to get there. One of the biggest things I am going to do is take part in my very own 30 day blog challenge. I will be posting a new blog post every day for the next 30. I will be posting about all kinds of new and different things that I am trying and doing each day along with how well it is working for me. I took today to fill you all in on my struggles lately. I haven't eaten very well and I haven't worked out like I should have been. I said I was going to run my first 5K and I didn't. I feel sick and bloated all the time and even though I am not gaining weight I can tell I'm not in the shape I once was. It's harder for me to run than before and some small things that used to be easy now became harder and I get out of breath easier. Stay turned to see what happens next!!

What I've gained

I have learned that loosing weight isn't just about the weight that comes off but it is also all about what you gain as well. I have learned so much about myself in the last nine months. Here's a list of what I have gained:

1. a positive outlook
2. self confidence
3. new clothes
4. new friends
5. healthy eating habits
6. a love for running
7. new outlook on old friendships
8. a blog
9. motivation
10. inspiration

I could go on but I will leave you with these few for now. Always remember its not just about what you have lost but what you have gained as well. Focus on your non-scale victories. Take a few minutes to make a list of your own and ask yourself "What have I gained?"

Insanity

Well I can tell you they def choose the correct name for this workout because it is insane!!! I made it through days one and day and was in so much pain that I had to take today off! :/  I am not sure how I feel about this. I am really glad that I was able to do it even though I had to take a few breaks during the workout, but  I am kinda disappointed that I was in so much pain that I couldn't do day three. I plan on getting back at it tomorrow, holiday and all.

I did well at my weigh-in yesterday, I was down 1.0lb for a grand total of almost 33lbs and I am only 2.6lbs away from my next goal of "pre-baby" weight then I am going for 199lbs followed by less than the hubby which at this point is 191lbs and then smaller than I have been since we have been together so I am going to say about 175lbs. I still have a say to go and I know that it isn't going to happen over night not these small goals have helped me get this far and they will continue to help me real my ultimate goal. Right now I think that goal is about 127lbs so I officially have LESS than 100lbs to go!!!

Well I think that's just about it for now. Keepin it short and sweet tonight! Have a happy and safe holiday tomorrow and enjoy your weekend :)

When things don't go exactly as planned

It's always great to have a plan, even better when you actually stick to that plan!! So while camping this weekend, I said I was going to track every day and that I was going to reach 100% of my active link goal everyday. Well here's how the weekend actually went:

I got super stressed out trying to get everything packed and leave on time. I ended up eating two hot dogs and a little mac and cheese before even leaving for the trip. We get to the site and turn on the radio to here we are now setting up camp in the middle of a tornado warning! Bring on my complete panic....My husband wanting nothing more than me to relax and help him, in case something actually happened. I decided I wasn't going to cook dinner so turkey and cheese sandwiches it was! I also drank one green tea gingerale. I reached 130% of my active link goal and earned 6 activity points. I only tracked for half of the day.

Saturday, I woke up had 2 eggs, 3 sausage links and an apple for breakfast. For lunch I had some  a lot of cheese curls a hot dog and a turkey burger. We went on a hike it was roughly 2-2 1/2 miles through the woods, a lot of which I was carrying my 2 1/2 year old daughter. I woke up and eat a ham and cheese sandwich and has another apple with a string cheese. I later ate some cookies and grapes. I also had 1/2 a chicken drumstick and some mac and cheese. I reached 170% of my active link goal and earned 10 activity points on Saturday.

This morning I fixed breakfast for everyone. I had one pancake and some sausage and a glass of apple juice. After packing up camp, coming home and unpacking and then getting the kids a bath and getting a shower myself, I never ate any lunch. my hubby fixed hamburgers on the grill for dinner and I was so hungry I also ate a small bag of chips, an apple sauce and a ham and cheese sandwich on a hamburger roll. :( as of right now I am at 80% of my goal and 1 activity point for today. I really want to tell you that I am going for a walk shortly and I will reach my goal but that more than likely isn't going to happen. I am so tired that its only 6 pm and I am already, ready for bed!

This week is really hit or miss as far as the scale goes, my plan is to track my weekend the best I can now, after the fact so I am at least aware of what I did each day and pick it back up tomorrow. I have been walking and staying on track for the most part this week. I know I did have some off moments but I am willing to face it and move on...LOL

Tomorrow is a new day, I will track everything before I eat, I will keep off the scale and I will get my walk in, maybe even two walks :) Oh and something that is super exciting!!! Tomorrow I am starting the Insanity workout!! Hope all goes well :)

Going Away

The family is going camping this weekend and normally have the attitude of "oh well, I can't help it if we are going away, I'll just have to get back on track next week" but instead this time around I decided that it is going to be a good week!!

We are going with friends but that didn't matter to me, I did all the shopping for the trip and made sure that I had snack food that I liked and that is healthy and weight watcher friendly. I have my mind made up that I am going to get in some activity every day while we are away and I am going to still track!! My active link is charged and ready to go :)

I used to be the person that wasn't to sure about telling people that I am on weight watchers but now I realize that it is a part of who I am. While I am not going to have the comfort of my own home and I am not going to be able to make a smoothie for breakfast, I am going to be able to make egg whites, I have fruit and there's plenty of space to walk!!

I will be sure to fill you all in on how it goes when I get home. My goal for the week is to still eat only three meals a day and two snacks. To get in all my activity and reach 100% of my active link goal each day. To track what I eat all weekend. Be happy and enjoy myself!!! This is going to be  trial run for when we go on our actual week vacation to the beach in Aug.

I am excited for this weekend and for my meeting on Tuesday!!! See you all when I get back :)

You find out who your friends are

Real friends are there for you no matter what. They are boldly honest even when they know you don't want to hear it and you're probably going to get your feelings hurt.

I started my weight loss journey the last week of September of 2012. I started this journey with a friend.  Someone that I have knew for a long time. Over the years we have grown apart and I thought we had grown closer and back together. 

I realize now that we have gotten closer but not in all the ways I had thought or even hoped we would have. I still love her like a sister and I know she is always there if I need her but we are two different people at two different places in our lives.

Someone told me that weight loss does one of two things it brings people together or it will tear them apart. I have found this to be very true. I have noticed that I find myself getting upset with friends I have had my whole life because they will say something about what I am doing. I get upset because they have ever had to struggle with their weight and yet all of a sudden they know it all. I get upset with family members because they try to tell me that the program doesn't work, yet here I am 32lbs smaller because of the program.

I don't say anything to the people that upset me however, I usually just let it go and complain to someone else about it. I have also seen it bring me closer to people that I haven't been close to in years! And I have met lots of new people as well. Something that I didn't think would happen. I can sit here and tell you honestly that I am very happy about this journey and all that comes with it!! The good, the bad, and the ugly!!

Just remember to value your friends! I know I do, which is why when they hurt me, I let it sit for a while and look at the big picture before telling them I am hurt. I need to sit back and see where they are coming from. True friends are being honest with you they are not trying to hurt you. You find out who your friends are because you will tell them you are hurt because of what they said or did and when you wake up tomorrow they are still there. :) 

It's been to long!

I realize I haven't blogged in a while. So the quick update is this: I didn't loose 4lbs like I wanted to. I did loose 1.4 that week which I shouldn't have. I have kind of lost my faith in the program and I find myself getting on the scale every day and instead of being sure to follow the plan no matter what, what I do each day would depend solely on the number on the scale. If it was lower than the day before I would slack off and take the day with ease. And on the same note, if the number on the scale wasn't what I wanted I would get depressed and not do so well.

Last week I decided that I am not going to get on the scale at all and I am going to follow the plan and see what happens. I was down .2. Not what I was looking for but I'll take it because I didn't get in the activity that I need to in order to get the results that I want. I also didn't track for two or three days.

I am starting to realize that I need to focus on the program and following it! That's what's going to give me the results that I want. I have been following this program since Oct but feel like I am brand new because I wasn't really using the tools of the program or following it like I  should have been all along. I almost feel like I am just getting started.

When I first started loosing weight I would still eat crap and not really pay attention to what I was putting in my mouth. Ummm HELLO!!! That's why I am so fat in the first place!! I mean seriously, I was at me biggest on my wedding day, a day when most women are smaller because they have lost weight to look their best. Even that wasn't good enough for me, it took another year before I would take that first step.

Now after I have lost 32lbs, I am finally ready to eat healthier. I see so many people that workout and eat healthy and I want to be those people. I want my children to be healthy and not have to worry about people making fun of them because they are fat, or letting their weight hold them back. For the longest time I hated going anywhere because I was always the fat girl. I am still fat unhealthy I am sure but I am taking the steps to getting healthy.

I have decided that I am no longer going to let things in life hold me back or stop me fro being the person that I want to be. I have joined a fitness group on facebook and I am starting the INSANITY workout program with my sister in law next week! It will be hard but I know we can do it!!!

Keeping it real and getting back at it

I realized at my meeting Tuesday that if someone that is a lifetime member of weight watchers and at their goal weight can still loose 4.2lbs in a week, then why the hell can't I? Easy!! I CAN!!!! All I need to do is get real!

Weight watchers is a program with many different parts for a reason. I know it works when you follow the program. I was sitting in my meeting and it was like "A" (my leader) was speaking directly to me! I need to track and I need to get in my activity. I need to eat my fruits and veggies. I need to follow my good health checks! This week I am going ALL of these things!!

I got up and as soon as my meeting was over I bought a paper tracker!! I am an adult and I know what I need to do in order to reach my goal. I have been doing this long enough to know that I do better when I track. I also know that I am better at tracking when I use paper and pen. So, DO WHAT WORKS!!!

This week I have decided that I am keeping a close eye on my sugar in take, I am tracking everything!! everyday!!! I have set a goal of 25 activity points, (it's the end of day 2 and I am already half way there, so I am totally counting on more than 25) I am getting healthier in general (Even if this means cooking two dinners, which I did both last night and tonight)

I am going to be away all weekend for a wedding and I fully plan on staying on plan!! I am taking my tracker and my scale! I will be sure to hit 100% of my activelink goal each day that I am away. I will no longer just sit back and "hope" I am doing enough, from this day forward I will KNOW that what I am doing is enough!!

I will not let people bring me down. I will not let people that have never struggled with their weight tell me that they "know" what is best for me and I will not let these people bother me. If you are not my doctor than you can not tell me that I am wrong! I know the program works!! I have seen it with my own eyes. I am walking proof that it works and soon enough people will look at me and I will be "that" girl.

You know the one you look at and think "God, I hate that skinny bitch" YES this is my goal in life! To be the girl that your husband breaks his neck to look at while you smack him because you are on a date together. The one that eats an ice cream or BIG ol' piece of cake an you think "I hate her". Only you won't know that I once was 260lbs and I have fought my way skinny! and healthy!! I will keep up the fight and while I might hit a rough spot here or there and loose a battle or two I WILL win the war!!!

I leave you with my week so far:

I took a trip to the grocery store and I am very proud to say this is what I bought!! My cart before weight watchers was full of processed foods that were really bad for me but now it's full of produce :-) the whole family has started eating healthier. 

I realized that my fat roll on my back right under my arm and above where my bra falls is almost gone!! I love that I am starting to see these results. It's easy to see the number on the scale go down but it helps you feel better about yourself when you can actually see the results in other areas as well!! 

This was breakfast yesterday. 3 egg whites, half a roll with butter, and 3 slices of giant brand microwaveable bacon and a pinch of 2% cheese. 7 weight watchers points plus value. It was really good and filling. I didn't even eat anything until lunch. 

When I decided on a ww string cheese, half a ham and cheese sandwich on light 7 grain bread with 2 pickles. For a total of 4 ww points plus value. Again this kept me full until dinner :-)

This was def my favorite meal of the day. I cooked and ate spaghetti squash for the first time ever!!!! Soooo good. I added 3oz of grilled turkey breast and some spaghetti sauce. For a total of 5 points plus value. This is a big plate of food and I wasn't even able to finish it!! I will tell you spaghetti squash is zero points plus value and very filling!!! 

Here we have my new "before & during" picture. There is a 10 month difference between these two pictures and 30.2lbs!!!! I will NEVER again be that big!! With those 30 lbs I have dropped 3-4 pants sizes and 4-5 dress sizes!!! Tell me that isn't amazing!! I have gained so much more though. I can't wait to see what us in store for me and my future. Who's coming with me???

Bouncing back

After getting real with myself last week I realized I need to get my act together if I am going to get to my goal. I follow someone on Instagram that has lost over 150lbs with weight watchers and she has NEVER used a gym, another woman was lost over 50lbs and has lost every week for the last 9-10 weeks. I want to be these women.

I look at what they are doing and I am trying to model my daily life off of them. This week I have tracked everything that I put in my mouth and I have found that even though I am making better choices and far as healthier choices I am having a hard time staying within my points for the day. I know I have "extras" for the week and I am earning activity points but I don't like to use these points. I have found myself asking how I am ever going to be able to do this when  I am down to just 26 points a day?

I struggle because I didn't have this problem before then I realize that's because I was "cheating" I wasn't adding up my points properly of I would put something in my tracker because it looked good even though I was eating something else or more than what was listed. By doing this I was only cheating myself. I wasn't being honest with myself. I was hurting myself and causing myself to fail.

This week my goal is to track everything!! No matter what it is or how many points it is, It needs to go into my tracker and it needs to go in my tracker honestly!! I have had so many people tell me that they are happy for me and proud of me for my weight loss. I have even had more than one person join weight watchers because of me and my journey. I want to continue to make these people happy.

When I fail I don't just fail myself I fail all of my followers and supporters as well. I have thought about how good it feels to loose the weight and how good it feels to buy smaller clothes :-) Something else that feels good is seeing my goal jars. When I made them back when I joined weight watchers my "pounds to loose" jar was filled all the way to the top, now there's lots of room in that jar. And today was the first time I looked at myself in the mirror and thought "wow you really can tell that I've lost weight." I haven't made it any secret that I have been loosing weight and that is just one more reason that I need to bounce back and get focused again.

Two weeks ago I lost 1.8lbs (got out of my funk) and last week I was down 0.2 (hit my 30lbs goal) Now that I have done these two things I am ready to reach for the stars. My next goal is 35lbs, I know I can do it and I will do it. I am focused and ready to go. I have a busy weekend and a surprise in store...I'll fill you in on that a little later :-) I know this week will be another good one!!

I really did give up :(

I haven't blogged in a while but here goes!! I am being totally honest here. My whole funk put me in a really bad mood. I haven't been working out like I should. I haven't tracked a single thing I put in my mouth in weeks!! NOT GOOD!! HEY!! Maybe that's why you can't get out of this funk! Just saying....

I have decided that while yes I lost 1.8lbs last week and I fully plan on loosing again this week, Tuesday I am seriously putting my foot down and getting back into the game. I told my husband, I feel like a fraud. When I gain I am not just letting myself down but I am letting down all of my followers and everyone that has been cheering for my success. I have two small children that look up to me and I need to show them that it's ok to hit a bump in the road as long as you don't give up. I have been saying all this time that I am not giving up, but really I have given up, on the program and on myself. :-(

Yes I have kept going to meetings and I have been walking a couple days a week but I know that isn't enough to get where I need and want to be. I have given myself a couple of days to really refocus and think about what I need to do for me. This is something that I have clearly been having trouble with lately. I need to start telling myself the truth. And the truth is I have been in a funk not because my body is used to what I am doing but because I have not been doing what needs to get done!!

It's time for me

This post is more for me than anyone else. I am going to be totally up front and honest with al of you. The last eight weeks have been some of the hardest. They have without a doubt been the hardest 2 months of my weight loss journey. I have been bouncing around the same one or two pounds and quite frankly I am FED UP!!!

I know that only I can change it. I know that I need to change something I just don't know 100% what that is yet. I am changing several things this week and I know I will have a good week and the weight will start coming off again.

Yesterday, I got a text from a friend that I had been on this journey with. She is actually the reason that I took that first step to loose weight and join weight watchers. Well yesterday she told me that she was no longer focused and felt that she was wasting her money because she wasn't loosing because of her lack of focus. I totally support her in her decision and she is right is you aren't focused or don't want to loose weight you re't going to.

At my meeting tonight my leader pulled me aside to talk before the meeting started. She was reaching out to me. She asked me what was going on because she knows that I have been going through this funk. She told me that she felt that she has been giving my friend my support than me. Which I think she probably has but  have been ok with that because I can do this. I hadn't hit a real rough patch until now.

While talking to my leader I realized something. I realized that I love helping others reach their goals but lately it has become exghusting. I realized that I have been focusing too much on making sure everyone else reaches their goals and not enough on myself.

Part of me even feels like I am sitting here pushing people up the hill just to have them fall down and roll over me if that makes sense. This week is about me and making sure I get back on track and reach my goals!!! I will make it happen this week!! 

No more bouncing back and worth. I will hit my 30lbs goal and I will pass it this time :-) 

My little funk

I wrote this post before the one I just published but didn't realize it was never posted. It's just as equally important though and I am sharing it now. I wrote this about a week ago. 

I have been in a little funk lately and it wasn't until last night that I actually realized just how long I have been battling the same two pounds. I have made the decision to focus on non-scale victories as stated an earlier post. I'm not going to lie it has taken me a long time to get to this piont but I am so glad that I am here now.

I am at a point in my journey where I can tell myself that this is just a bump in the road and I will get past it as long as I just stay focused and push past this. I honestly think know my support system has played a HUGE part in getting to this point. I realize now that staying active and eating right all the time are so important!!

Before if when I would hit a slump and battle the same few pounds for more than a week or two I would just give up. I would get discouraged and give up. Not this time. I am now able to understand that getting healthy isn't all about wight, its about staying active and eating properly. Doing these things is what is more important, and when you do these things the weight will come off. Sometimes it takes longer than other times but it will happen!!

My focus lately has been on improving my habits and drinking more water. I have decided that I might need to stop counting my points and start "simply filling", I will talk to my meeting leader this week depending on how I do. I have a HUGE support system and I am inspiring people without even knowing it. I have shared a lot of pictures on instagram this week because that is where alot of my support comes from and I love that I can connect to others that are on weight watchers and I can get new ideas from them as well.

I have included a few of those pictures at the end of this post. A long with a few others. Hopefully if you are struggling in your own journey, you will find this helpful and always remember "Tough times don't last, tough people do!"

This week C25K kicked my butt, but I pushed through and finished week 2!!! 

Good thing I did because I went shopping and all these tops are a size smaller than before. :-)

Someone in my life join weight watchers and decided to healthy because of me. That's pretty awesome!! 

It's Just One Day

For me Mother's Day this year didn't last just one day it was an entire weekend. On Saturday, my husband decided to keep our children all day so I could spend the day with my mom and my aunt. We went out shopping and then to lunch. When I got home, my husband informed me that he was taking the kids out for the evening so that I was able to relax.

On Sunday, I had breakfast, bacon and eggs. My husband allowed me to spend the entire afternoon just the kids and I while he took his mom out to lunch. My kids ages 2 and 4 had gone out with my husband to get me gifts yesterday, 2 packs of socks, a necklace, earrings, and 2 potted plants. I had planned on cooking dinner and right as I was about to start my husband says "oh yeah, I am getting you a crabcake from Sterlings, you're not going to cook today."

Needless to say I went all out and got the whole platter, crabcake, french fries and mac and cheese. I didn't eat all of it but I had a big enough amount and it was good....lol I have also been informed that once the kids are in bed he has a special dessert planned for us.

My weight watchers weigh-in is Tuesday and up until this weekend I was feeling very good about it. Now not so much....LOL I have decided however, that I am not going to let one day, or one weekend define my entire week. I will continue to track my food the rest of the week and I will continue to get in my activity this week.

At the beginning of the week I told myself that I was going to challenge myself and not step on the scale a single time this week. For many this isn't a problem at all, for me on the other hand this is a huge struggle!! I am fine until midweek, I always weigh myself on either Friday or Saturday morning and then every morning after that until Tuesday. On Tuesday I think I step on that scale every time I walk into the bathroom!! After the weekend I have had I really want to get on the scale and see how much "damage" I have done. I can tell you though that I have not even touched the scale!! I have thought about it and I have even reached for it but I have not once gone all the way and pulled it out to stand on!!

I know that I can make it until Tuesday evening and wait until my weigh-in to see how I have done this week. Tomorrow I will track all my food and I will run in the morning. I will do my cardio workout in the afternoon and I will walk in the evening. Tomorrow I will get back on track with the plank challenge and I will add up my miles for May to see where I stand.

I will not let one day/weekend define my week. If I gain, then I gain. This is a journey and it will take longer than overnight for the weight to come off. I leave you with this, a few pictures of how I spent my Mother's Day.

Hanging out with my wonderful children

In this fabulous dress that fits for the first time in two years!!! 

Non Scale progress

It is so easy to get focused on the scale and feel discouraged when you don't see that number getting smaller fast enough. Even I have this problem. I often get let down by what I see or don't see on the scale. Often I will feel like I have worked really hard and yet I am not loosing the amount I think I should be.

I will track everything I eat all day everyday!! I get in my activity and drink lots of water, yet I get to my weight watchers meeting and I gain! :-( Talk about depressed and discouraged!! One way I stay positive and I continue to loose weight is by focusing on my non-scale victories. Here's a list of them so far:

1. I am down almost 2 full pants sizes!!
2. I have no problem running for 90 seconds-2 minutes at a time
3. I can run with my son and not feel as out of shape as before
4. I actually enjoy getting outside to exercise
5. My shirts are all a smaller size than before
6. I am under the max weight for my camp chair
7. I have inspired others
8. My wedding rings are getting loose
9. I can hold a plank for 1 whole minute
10. I have dropped my BMI by 5 points since I started my journey....Only 10 to go and I will no longer be obese!!!!
11. I am no longer pre-hypertension

These might seem like small things and some are health related and some are not! Either way not one of these are related to the scale. I'm not really sure what my favorite thing on this list is but I love that I have so many. As I continue to loose weight I will continue to see my list grow.

Something else that has always helped me is setting non-scale goals each week. These goals can be anything as long as they are not related to the scale. Here's a list of just a few of the goals I have set in the past.

1. Walk 4-5 times this week
2. Drink 120 oz of water each day
3. Track at least one meal every day
4. Track everyday
5. Do C25K training at least 3 days this week

These goals will change as you go further in your journey. For example if you are already walking 4 days your goal might be to go 6 days. If you already track at least one meal every day make it your goal to track two meals!

Be sure to reward yourself for reaching your goals! Weather it's something small like a sticker or just pointing out to yourself and others that you have reached your goals for that week. I NEVER reward myself with food though. When I do eat something that isn't the best for me, I am sure not to call it a treat either. That's not to say that I don't eat these things because I sometimes do, but I am more aware of them and I do them less often.

I am so very excited that I can finally fee like I am getting a handle on this whole weigh loss thing. I know I still have a long way to go, and that I have alot of bad habits that I have to get rid of, but the one thing that continues to ring in my head over and over is:

                              "Tough times don't last, tough people do."

Time to Heal

As many but not all of you know, my daughter is a preemie. She was born 8 weeks early. Although we told almost every day that our little girl that was (born at 3lbs 15oz and was just 16 inches long) one of the biggest and healthiest babies in the NICU she was still there for 21 days followed by a 10 day stay at a transitional nursery in a different hospital. During her stay my husband and I were informed that our daughter was born with a hole in her heart. We also found out that she has a condition call SVT (This can cause her heart to race at a pace too high for her body to handle and if untreated she could die) she also had acid reflux that was causing her heart drop to drop to dangerous levels. As you can imagine these were some very hard things for my husband and I to hear.

Neither one of us had ever been through anything like this before and we didn't know where to turn. We had an 18 month old at home that we had to care for while I was a full time college student and my husband worked full time and we still spent at least 3-4 hours a day sitting in the NICU with our daughter. To say the least we were burnt out. Neither of us knew it though. I think our bodies went into survival mode and we did whatever we needed to in order to make it through the day. Somehow I even finished the semester with 3 A's and 1 B.

What I didn't realize is the toll the NICU and our experience had taken on me, both mentally and physically. Not ever going through anything like this before I thought that our daughter would come home and everything would be back to "normal". We would live our lives like any other family with two children. Well in part I was right. Only our "normal" was having a nurse come visit once a week to check on the baby, waking our daughter every 1-2 hours because she needed a different medicine or needed to eat, and lets not forget about the apnea monitor that she came home with. Yes, the wires we were sooo happy to get rid of had now followed us home!!

I have forgotten to mention that our daughter would sometimes stop breathing while she was asleep so we would have to wake her whenever the alarm would go off. Most parents probably are thinking the same thing I was "well at least I won't be up all night checking to see if she is breathing like I did with our son" WRONG!!!! Instead I was up all night checking to make sure the monitor was working. I quickly learned that no parent of a newborn ever gets any sleep!! I also found out that the midnight phone calls didn't stop with us coming home either.

One night I couldn't sleep so I decided to get a shower to help me sleep. It was about 3:30 am, my husband was at work and both children were asleep. I was about to get out of the shower and I heard what I thought was our smoke alarm, "Oh great the shower was too hot again, I better turn it off before it wakes the kids." As I was running down the hall the sound quickly stopped and I realized it was actually the baby's monitor. When I got to our daughter her lips were blue and she was covered in spit-up. My body went into over drive and I flipped her over, cleared her airway, and was perfectly fine. While it only lasted a few seconds before I was able to get her cleaned off and back to sleep, I totally freaked and had to call my husband and cry to him. I of course didn't get sleep that night at all.

I am telling you all of this to say this, I recently realized when asked to share a picture of my daughter that I haven't fully healed from our NICU experience. I still have break downs on our daughter's birthday and on her due date. On the day I was admitted to the hospital and the day I realized that I was going to have a preemie, and lots of days in between.

You may ask what all of this has to do with weight loss. Well I'll tell you! While pregnant with my daughter I gained 60!!! lbs. I have been holding onto that weight for the last 2 1/2 years. I realize as I am loosing that weight that I was scared to get rid of it, like if I lost the weight that I gained while pregnant I would somehow loose my daughter too. I know it sounds silly to many of you but for me it is/was a reality. People tell me all the time that there are reasons deeper than our health as to why we need to loose weight and why we put it on in the first place. I know totally understand what they mean by this now.

My loosing weight is a way for me to fully heal and say good-bye to the NICU forever!!! Yes I will need to take my daughter to follow up with her doctors and yes we will always have those memories and we will always be able to tell people our story, but it will be a part of us that has helped us to become stronger people. It will no longer be holding us back!!

As a part of my weight loss journey I have decided to get my daughter's baby book out and finish it up to this point! I am no longer going to rob her of that. It is something that she will want to look at when she gets older and she will want to know "her story".

This week was HUGE for!!! Not on the scale but mentally and emotionally because I found what one of my BIG factors are and I am now able to face my fear head on!! I will be able to heal and I can finally look at my healthy little girl as just that and not a tiny baby still stuck in the NICU being held back by "things full term babies have but are never checked for". Today we have no meds and no wires. Today all we have is your everyday "toddler problems". Mommy I peed on the floor,or where's my cuppie. My brother hit me or he isn't sharing his toys. I don't want to eat this or I just want to play outside.

At this point in the game I think it is safe to say that our daughter is healed from the NICU and it is time for her mommy to do the same. Part of that is going to be sharing with you her story and this post. It is a fresh start to getting my life back!!!

I leave you with some photos to put a face with the story:

This is our daughter when she was about a week old (top) the picture on the right is her first day in an open crib (almost 2 weeks) and the picture left is Christmas Eve (she was 32days old and her first FULL day home)

I feel no words needed to explain this...her face says it all
#toddlermomproblems

This is myself and my daughter on Easter

The top is her playing dentist with play doh. The bottom is how I found her this morning and to the right she is showing off her fashion sense :-)

What's your anchor?

This was the topic at my weight watchers meeting last week. It really got me thinking about all the different reasons that I joined weight watchers and why I continue to stick with it. I know that I joined because I was sick of being fat!! I don't really like the word fat but I still use it, usually referring to myself :-( I really should have a more positive self image and that is what I am working on.

I joined weight watchers because I was embarrassed by my weight even when it came to my husband. I never told him how much a weighed until just a couple of weeks ago!! Of course he knows I'm over weight and he has seen me naked....clearly since we have two children...LOL but I hated the way I looked naked and even with clothes on for that matter! I wanted to and still do want to look and feel sexy all the time!!

Back to the topic on hand....my anchor!! Lots of people say that their anchor is their children or something like that and it sounds great to say that your children are your reason for getting healthy and they are what keep you focused but if it isn't true than none of that matters. Of course I want to be healthy for my children and my husband but I wouldn't say that they keep me focused. Actually they tend to make it harder at times to stay focused. My husband doesn't really need to loose weight and while he is a HUGE support person for me he sometimes wants to eat things that aren't good for me or my weight loss and I often give into the temptation which again isn't good!!! My children, well they are children. They don't understand what I am doing so they eat whatever and of course always want to share with mommy!!

I shared my anchor with all of you in my last post but I don't think I actually said it was my anchor and what keeps me focused. My goal jars!!! One is labeled "pounds to loose" and the other "pounds lost" I move marbles from the pounds to loose jar into the pounds lost jar when I loose weight. One marble for each pound! I do the opposite when I gain. I move marbles from the pounds lost jar back into the pounds to loose jar. This is one thing I hate doing!!!

I keep these jars on my phone as a reminder of what I am staying focused for. I say this because I am thinking that this anchor has served it's time and my reasons for loosing weight are beginning to change and with that my anchor will change as well. My jars just don't seem to be doing their job any more. I will still keep them and I will still keep up with them but I need something else to keep me focused on the bigger picture.

Over the next few days or weeks, however long it takes I will be on a journey not just to loose weight and get healthy but to find my focus again! I need to start to really challenge myself and my body. I need to shake things up a little and kick start my weigh loss again. I will not go back to the girl I was a few months ago!! I will continue to move forward and I will continue to get smaller while doing it.

May's Fitness Challenges

Notice the word Challenges in the title of this post, Yes I am doing more than one fitness challenge in the month of May. This is a couple of reasons, first I am pretty sure I have it a plateau inmy weight loss and I think this might help. Secondly I figure why not?

I am getting sick of this up and down every week. I know it happens in weight loss and I know I have loss alot of weight already but I also know that I still have a ways to go and in order for me to continue to loose weight I need to change things up a little and actually challenge myself. I think my body is starting to get used to all the activity that I have been doing the last couple of months so this is a good way to mix things up and jump start my weight loss again.

This post I am going to leave you with the different challenges that I am going to do this month. I challenge each and every one of you to join me and start your own weight loss journey. I should tell you that even if you don't have weight to loose and you are at a healthy weight joining me in these challenges will allow you to be a healthier you!!

Challenge one is the plank challenge. I am doing this with one of my best friends. She is the girl that asked me if I could do a plank about a week ago and the answer was hell no!!! I am now up to 45 second hold. Come on who is with us???

Challenge two is 52 miles in May. I saw this on Instagram and decided to give it a try. I am training for a 5K and need to add up those miles anyway so why not push myself to finish 52 miles in a month. Really shouldn't be too hard since I've been doing about 5 miles a day and I only need a little less than 2 a day to meet this goal.

This is my before and during picture. I didn't realize how far I had come until I made this picture. While it may time some time for me to get to my goal weight I will get there. This picture is the lock screen on my phone and when ever I am feign down I look at this picture and I see who I used to be and who I am now!! I will not go back to the old me.

I will end this post with what keeps me focused....my goal jars. I made these jars with a dear friend of mine when I first joined weight watchers and I as loose more weight I move the marbles from one jar to the other. This keeps me focused because I hate having to move backward.

What a difference a day Makes

***Before you read this, let me tell you I am kinda all over the place so I am sorry!!***

Yesterday, after my meeting I felt broken and defeated. My biggest problem wasn't so much that I had gained weight. It wasn't the first time and I am sure it won't be the last, what had me feeling this way was the fact that I really didn't know what I had done to cause me to gain 2.2 lbs.

In the past this would have been enough to cause me to quit and give up. But not this time!! Instead I decided to do something about it. I talked to my meeting leader and she gave me an idea of what may have happened. I turned my "downfall" into something positive.

Yesterday I sat down and wrote out a new "workout" plan. I think this will help me get where I need to be. I also decided that I am going to refocus on my running. Instead of doing it on my own, I decided that I will probably do better using the Couch to 5K program. I restarted my training today and I killed it!! With the jogger stroller and all!!

I also had a different mind set today. It seemed like everyone around me knew that yesterday was a bad day for me and I had a sign around my neck that said "I need a pick me up" While I was running there was a group of college students (all men) that smiled at me....and not in the laughing at me way either :-) People kindly moved over to make room and I felt that people were cheering me on!!

I am totally ready to do it again tomorrow! I tracked all my food today and I can tell yo that as I sit here writing this at 7:30 pm I have already reached 100% of my activelink goal for today. I did a total of just over 5 miles and a small ab workout. If I do this everyday I know that I will be able to easily run a 5K but Sept 1st. I will also be able to reach my weight loss goals.

Someone said some very mean and hurtful things to me today as well. I was called a lazy fat ass. Considering the source I didn't let it bother me because this person is always the type to always want to hurt me for some reason. Before this would have hurt me but today I was able to say "how exactly and I am lazy fat ass? I run everyday and I walk, clocking at least 5 miles a day. Plus I have lost 30 lbs!" yes I am over weight but I am doing something about it. This person too is over weight and could loose a good 50 lbs and instead of her doing something to change it, she is stuffing her face with hot pockets and pizza rolls!! So while she can slowly kill herself with all that crap I will continue to better myself.

I have changed so much in the past six months. I am no longer the person that will allow what other say hurt me. I know my own reality and I know what I am capable of. I am strong and determined. I am going to better myself. I am not just getting healthier physically but mentally and spiritually as well. One day this person will look at all that I have done and wish they were as happy as me.

I know that I can do this!! I will do this!! There will be some days that will be better than others but I can not let those days bring me down. I will use these days to motivate me and bring me that much closer to my goal. 

Tomorrow is a new day

And a new month in this case. I don't know why so don't ask but for whatever reason I decided to weigh myself before going to my weight watchers meeting today. Well according to my scale I had gained 2.6 lbs!!!

This sent me into a total downward spiral!! I started crying and was very upset. I for the life of me can't figure out what happened to cause me to gain weight this week. I got in my activity. I drank my water and I tracked my food!! I do have my period but that has never had any type of impact and caused me to gain before.

So I did something that would kinda help me feel better and it was def better than eating like I used to when I would get upset. I got in my car, blasted the radio (which I couldn't get loud enough) and I drove. I had to go to staples so I went and then I got my son from school.

I tried to talk to a very good friend about my problem and I love her and poor girl, no matter how hard she tried I didn't really feel any better. I kept telling myself I would be ok and it was no big deal but the truth is, I was PISSED!!! I think I would have been just fine with a gain if I could say "oh I did this or I did that" but I can't.

I talked to my meeting leader about it and she seems to think that I could be eating too much salt and that my period my have something to do with it. My plan for this week is to drink even more water than usual and limit my salt in take. I am also going to increase my workouts. This is something that I have wanted to do, not just because of the gain this week.

This week, well today was a serious struggle for me. But I am not going to let it define me or my journey. I will only allow it to motivate me. I will push harder and stay with the plan because I know it works. I will update you all during the week and let you know how I am doing and next week I will have an exciting loss to share with you!!

How did I get here?

This is something that I ask myself quite often. Sure you can say that I have had two children and it's "harder" to loose baby weight. Or whatever else you want but the fact of the matter is, I let myself get this way.

You could even go as far to say that I caused my weight to get so out of control. It started well before I had children. As a teenager I never did anything that would allow me to maintain a healthy weight.

When my husband and I started dating I was already overweight and he enjoyed taking me out to dinner. Of course I'm not one of those "oh I'll just get a salad" type of girls so all that unhealthy food added to the fact that I was lazy equaled added weight.

When I had my son you would think I would want to get healthy for him but NOPE!! I just stayed the way I was. When he was one I got pregnant with my daughter and gained another 60 lbs. When it's all said and done, I did this to myself.

If you are looking for an actual reason as to how or why my weight has gotten so out of control GOOD LUCK!! I can't tell you that for sure. What I can tell you is that I have several health issues that run in my family, none of which I have right now but I know that my weight can cause these problems to be worse.

I have decided that no matter the reason I am overweight I know the reasons to put an end to it:

1. I need to be around for my children
2. I refuse to be embarrassed my a broken camp chair (This is the main reason I joined weight watchers. I was slightly over the weight limit on my camp chair and I was always scared that I was going to break it)
3. I am tried of seeing cute clothes and thinking it won't look cute on me
4. I want to for me!!!
5. Now that I have started loosing weight it's actually fun!!

No Pain No Gain

Or so they say....Well in my case I don't want a gain, but you know what "they", (whoever they are) mean. Well I decided that I am actually going to do some ok one of the many workouts that I downloaded on my phone a few weeks ago. Let me tell you anyone that says seven minutes isn't enough, DON'T LISTEN!!!!

I am not an expert my any means but I will tell you I did a seven minute ab workout and boy did I feel it in the morning, I pushed through the pain though and did it again today! I was even able to do hold a plank for 20 seconds!!! Sometimes I wonder just how much I am doing but I know in the long run it will pay off. I will be in better shape and I will be healthier.

Speaking of healthier, I made some GREAT 3 point pizza rolls for dinner Friday. See as a child my parents would always order pizza or subs for dinner. As an adult this is something that I have carried on and passed down to my child. I know I should have put really who wants to cook every single day? NO ONE!!!!

On Friday however, I decided that even though I didn't want to cook the health of my family was more important and I was going to cook but we could still have our usual pizza dinner.I went to the store and decided to pull out my phone and put the Weight Watchers scanner to use. I scanned everything. I bought some turkey pepperoni, low fat crescent rolls, 2% shredded cheese and organic pizza sauce.

I came home and got to work. I put 1/2 tablespoon of sauce on each roll, followed by 1 tablespoon of cheese and 3 pepperonis. I rolled them up and baked them in the oven. It was super easy and the kids loved them!!!Can you say win-win! I can and did. I even used paper cups and plates so I didn't have to do dishes. Looks like we have a new way to do pizza friday in this house.

Weeks 7 thru 12

I have decided that I am going to add regular entries as well as these "story" entries until I am able to catch up. That will my blog can be current while everyone gets to know me and my thought process a little more. Below is what happened from week seven thru week 12. After this we are a little less than half way through my journey thus far. Week 12 was a big one for me personally!!! Hope you enjoy :-)

Nov 13, 2012 Week 7 Down 2 lbs!!! What a good week. I am really surprised that I was able to loose such a large amount two weeks in a row. Now my goal is to get through next weeks weigh-in without gaining weight.

Nov 20, 2012 Week 8 I did it!!!! I totally had two big weeks and I didn't gain on week three. I am down another .6 this week. I am two months into this thing and I have already lost 12.2 lbs. I am almost to my first goal with weight watchers! 5% here I come :-)

Nov 27, 2012 Week 9 Down 2.4!!! Wow I reached my 5% goal!!! Actually I KILLED IT!!!! This week was pretty stressful personally but I still managed to loose weight. I need to get a handle on how I manage my stress but I must be doing something right.

Dec 4,2012 Week 10 Gained .4 this week. I am totally fine with this gain. It's less than half a pound. It has happened before I will loose that plus some next week.

Dec 11, 2012 Week 11 Gained .4 again this week. Ok well I am still under a pound gained even between the two weeks. The lady at the desk when I weighed in still says " well it's less than half a pound" I say "ummm not when you add it to last week." I'm getting a little pissed!

Dec 18, 2012 Week 12 OK Seriously!!! I am starting to think this damn scale is broken. How the hell did I gain .4 again?!?!?!?!?! Now I am up 1.2!! This is just craziness!! I need to loose more a pound in order to make this up. On a positive note, This isn't enough to make me quit. In the past I would have def decided that I would have been done!! On this day I realized ho different things are this time around. I will be back next week and gain or loose I will face it. IT BETTER BE A LOOSE TOUGH :-)

Am I really doing enough?

This may seem like a silly question to many people but it's a question that I ask myself often. I know I have lost 30.2 lbs since starting my journey but I have never once joined a gym! I often feel like I don't workout enough or as much as I should as much as I can. I think I could loose weight quicker if I went to the gym or if I were to do different workouts at home.

Part of my problem is I feel like someone is always watching me and I worry about what others think about me. I recently started training to run a 5K in Sept. I started by just walking everyday and now I am able to run for about a third of a mile without stopping. I run alone either around a local lake or just around my neighborhood. When I do this though I get this feeling like everyone is staring at me thinking "what the hell?" Or "How does her fat ass do that?" I think this even when there isn't anyone around.

But at the same time, there are days that I will run with my daughter in the jogger stroller and I feel people staring at me but now I feel good about it. I think they are thinking "wow! look at her push herself" or "it can't be easy to run with that stroller" I am not sure why I struggle with these feelings so much but I do.

I walk over 5 miles almost everyday and I run almost everyday as well. I know everyone has to start somewhere but I am starting to feel like I need to do more. I need to go to a gym and work the machines. But I love being outside!!

SO here's my goal for next week: I will look up new exercises that I can do that will help me get in better shape. Because my journey isn't just about getting skinny, it's about getting healthy!! Today a friend sent me a text asking me if I was able to do a plank for 30 seconds.....HALF A MINUTE!!! The answer HELL NO!!! I am so out of shape I cant even hold it long enough to get set :-(

Everyone will fall but what's important is how many times you get back up!! If you fall eight times get up nine!!!

Progress Through week 6

OK so I am not yet to the point where I am comfortable sharing my weight with the whole world yet but I will share my progress with you!!

This blog would have gotten WAY out of control if I had updated you all at once on my progress so far so I have decided that I will update you about 6 weeks at a time depending on my thoughts for each week!! Here's the day I joined through week 6. Enjoy!!!!

Sept 25,2012-The day I joined weight watchers to change my life forever!! My current weight makes me want to cry! I have no idea how or better yet why I let myself get so big. I always knew my weight was getting out of control but for the first AND last time in my life I am closer to 300 lbs than not!! I was very embarrassed even though the only other person that knew my actual weight was the woman at the next and she is soooo super sweet!!

Oct 2,2012- Week 1 That wasn't too bad and I am down 4.6 lbs this week. I am glad that C is here with me! It really helps that I don't have to do this alone. I pulled a pretty big number this week. It's a great way to start this journey.

Oct 9,2012 Week 2 Down another 1.2!! YAY!! That first 5 came off with pretty much no problem. This might not be so bad after all. By this point I think this time is going to be different then the other times I have joined.

Oct 16,2012 Week 3 I gained .2 this week. Well maybe this is just like every other time I have joined. I guess it's still too soon to tell and it is only .2 so it's really like staying the same. But I really thought that I would have lost since it's still so early in this journey.

Oct 23,2012 Week 4 Down 2.6!!! Well that def made up for last week!! I think I can totally do this!! I am soooo glad that C and I drive together. Talking to her and being able to share this with her I think has really helped me.

Oct 30,2012 Week 5 Gained .6 Well that's just over a half pound. This week is Halloween tough, I really hope I can stay out of the kids candy so I don't gain again. I think I will be ok. Plus I will get alot of walking in taking the kids trick or treating.

Nov 6,2012 Week 6 Down 2.0!!! That's great!! I am now at a total of 9.6 lbs lost!!! That's sooo close to 10!! Pretty sure this is almost the most I have ever lost!! I think know that doing this with such a good friend and someone that is focused has really helped me and kept me on track this time around.

    ***Look for more posts to come soon and see what happened after this!!!***

My Story

Hi there!! I am a 26 year old that has struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. In Sept I was talking to a friend who said she had just joined weight watchers. I thought WOW I need to do that and the next week I went to a meeting with her and I did!! This isn't the first time I have tried to loose weight or even my first time with Weight watchers for that matter but this is the journey of the first time I decided to loose weight for ME!!!

When I was about 18 I joined weight watchers with my mom as a "support person" I lost weight but I didn't want to loose weight for me. I didn't realize that I needed to get healthy, I have never had any real health problems so I didn't think my being heavy was a "real" issue.

As I got older my boyfriend and I got more serious and we started talking about marriage and having children. I decided that I didn't want to get pregnant and "have" to gain weight at the weight I was at so I went back to weight watchers. Again I was doing ok and loosing a small amount of weight each week. I didn't really pay much attention and I forgot to take my birth control a couple of days and I ended up getting pregnant....OOPS!!! Oh well! I stopped going to weight watchers but only gained 18 lbs during my pregnancy.

I lost all that weight plus an extra 15-20 lbs. On my son's first birthday, we found out that I was once again pregnant. This time though I gained 60!!! pounds and I never lost any of it! :( Now my daughter is two years old and I am more than ready to change my life.

As of the start of the blog I have lost 30.2 lbs total!! I will be  adding another post that will list my progress each week with a few notes from my personal journal as to how I was feeling and what I had going on that week.

I will use this blog to keep in touch with all of my followers and keep track of my feelings during my journey. I want  others to know that everything isn't going to just fall into your lap, you MUST work for it!!

Thank you for taking time to read this and I hope you are able to find what you are looking for! :-)